Commodified Intimacy and Disconnection
Neoliberal norms have fundamentally changed how individuals approach romantic relationships, leading to emotional disconnection and increased voluntary singlehood.
The Neoliberalization of Romance
a) Self Commodification: Dating apps and online platforms mirror consumer markets, encouraging users to present themselves as attractive and desirable through carefully curated photos and bios. Success depends on attractiveness, status, and perceived value, reducing people to commodities in a competitive romantic economy. (Illouz, 2007).
b) Risk Aversion: Emphasis on radical individualism and emotional self-sufficiency discourages vulnerability. Men, in particular, whose emotional needs are socially devalued, learn to suppress intimacy to avoid exploitation or rejection. (Cockerham, 2017).
c) Transactional Expectations: Influencer culture often promotes a one-sided mentality, viewing relationships as exchanges of sex, status, or support, which reinforces objectification over vulnerability and mutual support (Bauman, 2003)
Impact of Disconnection
Humans are social beings wired for connection, attunement, and belonging through mirror neurons, limbic resonance, and oxytocin signaling (Porges, 2011). Replacing meaningful connection with transactional logic encourages risk aversion contributing to loneliness and psychological distress. Loneliness, a major public health crisis, is linked to increased depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicidality (Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2010). Emotional neglect, whether childhood or adult romantic, undermines psychological needs for safety, acceptance, and esteem (Bowlby, 1982; Fosha, 2000)
Relational Trauma
Repeated exposure to shallow or extractive relationships can lead to relational trauma as emotional availability is seen as a liability, leading people to suppress their needs (Levine & Heller, 2011). This leads to emotional numbing, cynicism, or solitude, not necessarily from a desire for independence, but from grief and disillusionment.
Neoliberal dating environments also compromise identity development as constant self-optimization to gain approval or compete for attention can cuntrubute to identity confusion, emotional burnout, or a sense of fragmentation (Erikson, 1968; Gergen, 1991). When love is purchased or “earned” through performance rather than shared humanity, the result is shame, self-doubt, and disconnection from one’s authentic self
Gendered Disillusionment
Under neoliberal norms, both men and women experience romantic disillusionment, though the expressions differ; in both cases, the result is often extraction without reciprocity, leading individuals to perceive relationships as emotionally expensive and ultimately unfulfilling
Final Thought
Rebuilding intimacy in a neoliberal world requires a shift from commodification to humanization. bell hooks (2000) describes love as an ethical act of care, attention, responsibility, and commitment, not a transaction but a mutual offering.
References
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hooks, b. (2000). All about love: New visions. William Morrow.